eff.

efficient.

effigy.

eff...

i can't think of any other words that start with eff.

seriously though.

I have had a roller coaster weekend.

Friday-down.

Saturday 1:15 pm- up.

Saturday 9:45pm- down.

Sunday 12:00am-up.

Sunday 9:30am- down.

Sunday 12:00pm- up.

Sunday 5:00pm- down.

Now- just tired.

Sigh. Michael, i know you read this, so I'll just talk to you. It was super excellently awesome and fun and fantastic to see you yesterday. I believe you are most definitely one of the closest, most real, most honest, easy to talk to, relaxing, comfortable people I know. Thank you.

But it made me feel so alone, once you were gone.

And I just fell so many times this weekend, I got so frustrated with myself at work and with my attitude and about being so lonely and isolated. Bah. When there are hundreds of people outside my door and one inside with me (who is super cool). So what is this?

Homesickness?

Discouragement?

I want joy.

I don't want laughter from a good joke and then the emptiness returns.

I should not feel this way.

and yet to say that and to be critical of myself and saying that I am better than feeling this way is not helping....

So.

Then.

I.

should....

Find my peace and strength and courage and identity

in something More.

than music

or books or jokes or games or money or pride or ability or food or no food or friends or coffee or anything else that i ever try to be satisfied by (and am disappointed by).

I know.

A lot.

So I should shut my mind up.

and just do it.

Thanks, Nike.

Because that is what is right.

sigh. doing what is right. sometimes, i feel like no one does.

why should i?

because I'll never be happy if i don't.

I'll update soon and let you know how it's going.

God is love and love is real. -mw/oY

Oh, Are you?

Indeed, I am.

at ORU.

Which is very very strange.

It really just keeps hitting me over and over. I'm not just visiting.

I live here.

Weird, I know.

Obviously, it's not Tulsa that is strange to be in, because I've been here for two years coming up next week, but ORU is its own little world. People can go to school here and never leave campus (that would be boring, but whatever).

However, I love it.

As in wake up everyday way before my classes start, walk outside with some ethereal sound in my skullcandy (headphones) and head ever so slowly to my (for the most part) delicious breakfast. Then off to class- stimulating, interesting, challenging classes. Thank you, God! My professors are awesome. Each one is so talented and passionate in his (her) field that it is again challenging to keep up, but so interesting, I am hanging on every word (and writing down all the ones I don't know). I love that the professors (I wrote teachers and had to backspace... We're in college now.) are exactly what I had in mind. My biology instructor is a wonderful, older man who has been at ORU for a hundred years and knows so much, and his hair is a little bit crazy and he has to come back to earth and stop the technical jargon every now and then. My Comp 102 professor, who has a doctorate in English, so Dr. Professor is everything an English teacher should be, an art loving liberal, whose vocabulary stuns my language ability, whose jokes are ingenious puns and ironic expressions. Then he sits there smirking. (I love it. I try not to laugh too hard in the back of the class.)

The class sizes range from 15-100. The classrooms are cool, just because I like the whole college set-up rather than desks in rows with assigned seats, high school, etc.

I do not love the cafeteria. Not because it is or isn't good. I don't like it because it is a cafeteria. You must use a tray or you will drop everything. And you may very well still drop everything. And Everyone will see. I think something happened to me in grade school that has made me wary of these large dining halls....

I like my dorm. For all my fighting and uncertainty, I am very pleased with it. The size of the room is Much larger than I expected; my roommate is super cool, and we get along very well. The people on my floor are awesome; I'm finally getting to know them-- I hid in my room for a little bit there....

Oh and I am really enjoying my humanities class and am really looking forward to the projects, which will hopefully include a swing dance. Yay.

There is more. But I must run to work. Much love!

yay! New post!

Wow.

One for June.

None for July.

One for August.

Thomas.

is.

cool.

cream soda suckers rule!

Ok im tired. Im going to post again soon. something worth reading.