i want matchbox 20.

because I am a wreck.
I am a mess.
I am a spot on the pavement.

but no one is perfect.
so i'm slowly learning to forgive my mistakes and
give myself a little grace.

I'm also learning to say, "oh well."
i'm trying to learn to enjoy where I am, rather than wish or worry or wonder.

I'm trying to stand on my own two feet.
then i remember i should really be sitting at yours.

i am indistinct.
i see myself all fuzzy and undefined.

I need definition. from.... something.

I'm in such denial.
(no im not.)

i used to be comfortable with myself, confident in my quirkiness. Then i just stopped trying to be different, and now i can't fit in, and i don't know where to go, so i feel like i've lost that confidence. I don't know what i'm supposed to be confident in.

which, i know, is a terrible thing to say, as a Christian. I should be confident in God, and I am confident that God is God. But Who Am I?

i suppose the purpose of defining myself by his word is that it is the only thing that doesn't change.
all the other interests jobs majors schools friends churches and favorite coffee drinks change.

i feel like a pin ball. im everywhere, and just getting hit a lot.

I probably need to run more, if i'm having this much inner energy pile-up. Also I would like to spar, and i believe im going to start doing all my forms as the sun comes up. i am mr. miyagi.

all i see is a small child, whose voice is light and always ingenuous, pointing, saying, there is god, and hoping i follow truth.

but the storm tossing her hair is my life, about to come crashing down in thunder and lightning.