I'm not emo.

Even though I'm sitting at home, listening to Copeland, deciding what to do.

Which will probably end up being clean my room, take nyquil, and go to sleep.

I feel like my brain is waterlogged. My head is really heavy and nothing is making sense.

Everything I thought I knew doesn't matter and everything that does seems absurd.

Fine, I'll explain.

If i can.

Everytime I type something, my brain stops working, so I don't know where I'm going with it.

It's that ...

I am emo.

jk.

It's really that...

I'm sad that my best friend from high school is marrying someone else.

I hope he invites me.

I'm sad that I miss my family so much, and 

I'm scared I'll always be far away from them.

I'm lonely, but

I don't want anyone that close to me.

I hope I am a good person. I hope I am an example, some sort of encouragement to someone.

I hope that I do a good job. I hope that I serve God better everyday. I hope that growing up is not always pain. I hope that I don't always feel like people are not trustworthy.

I'm really sad right now.

But.

These are the times you get to pull yourself together.

Stand a little taller.

Walk a little more confident, because you know who God is.

and even when you don't trust yourself,

you can trust God.

He is faithful and true.

Hell is real.

Heaven is real.

I want the ones I love to know this.

"Be like a turtle, have a hard shell and a soft heart."

Be God-conscious and people- hearted.

This is me in a box. (Help! I'm in a box.)

Good night.