But I have a lot to say today.
Because I felt like I'm going crazy.
When I finally got my brain to stop yelling at me and my stomach to stop twisting,
and basically stop having a panic attack,
I got really mad because I realized every time I say to myself, "Self, I need to dedicate my life more, be sure that my attitudes and actions line up with the Word of God, am being pleasing to Him, am in the right place at the right time, etc." and start to dig in, all the sudden I am slammed. If it were a physical attack, I would have been thrown against a wall and beaten to nearness of non-existence, or at least the wish for. Of course, it wasn't physical; I haven't been punched in the face today. But mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I feel like i have just been wrung out, and I really don't think I had much there to begin with.
Moving on. That was just an intro.
Because HOPEFULLY, from this rotten (repetitive) experience, I have learned some things.
First, what you put in is what you get out.
Second, Romans 12:1-2 is essential.
Third, if you do everything in your own strength, it will wear out long before everything is complete.
What you put into your mind and heart are what you will get out. I am pretty spoiled with food. I work at Outback- I eat good food, for cheap, whenever I want. It's the saying, "You feed your body three hot meals a day, but your spirit only a cold snack a week," and the story about the two dogs. One dog the owner would starve and then bet money on the other dog, knowing the starving one would be weak and lose. If I starve my spirit, I cannot expect it to be the strong leader in my life.
Which leads me to Romans 12:1-2, which says "I beseech you therefore, brethen, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Keep your body under and wash your mind with the Word. Neither of which I seem to have been doing lately. My mind thinks it can think anything it wants, so I catch myself daydreaming (a lot) about things (certain things), and thinking words that I shouldn't think (at all). My body thinks it is in charge, drink, eat, sleep, live like an animal, led only by physical instinct, which is repulsive and annoying.
As a born-again, spirit-filled Christian, I... should be fighting this fight. I was going to say I should not be, but I absolutely should be. When you don't have to anymore, come tell me. I should be fighting to keep my mind and body in submission to my spirit. But starting over is HARD. At least, it feels like I am starting over. ...It's my own fault though. Hot meals/cold snack again.
I feel like I've analyzed (harshly) enough for one day.
I won't be a weak person, a hypocritical Christian.
I am a person that can be respected for my discipline, self control, compassion, love walk, love for God, and prayer life.
I want to grow.
I guess that's what this is, and I guess it can be hard some days....
(especially when it's cold and gray outside, and all the music is too loud, and I'm lonely in a crowd.. That's a sad day.)
peace.
1 comment:
You never cease to bring a smile to my face. So few people today seem to be willing to say, "I need to change." Most people want their circumstances to change first, then they will change.
You see an area in your life that you aren't satisfied with and you work to fix it! That makes me smile. I just want to be one of the people who is along side you pointing up to heaven where our help comes from.
This post is a good reminder for me too! We need to all remember to keep focused on what matters most. If people stop seeing the light in us then we are no longer doing what we have been placed here to do.
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