i find it hard to write

when i have so much to say.

i lack organization in my thoughts.

a few of them in the clearest way possible.

a quote: The two factors that influence you the most in your life are the books you read and the people you're around.

(note: not the tv series you watch, just saying)

In the past few days, I find conflict continually. In interest, purpose, and passion, among many other things.

In passion, I've realized that there are so many things that I genuinely enjoy that it is difficult to concentrate and excel in one without longing for another, and I question if the concentrated one is the right one for the time, if it has purpose. But of the many things that I seem to be so strongly drawn to, it is reading that I find most liberating, fulfilling, and overall satisfying.

But I would love to be on a stage. Acting, performing, singing, playing music... 

Or I would love to be writing something that was strong enough and full enough that it made a difference.

I think I will achieve this one someday.

I think that growing up is not defined by age, but by outlook (of course), and that growing old is determined the same way. It's the vague lines between immaturity and maturity, maturity and elderly.

Haha.

I think that if you allow yourself to grow and learn from situations without losing your zeal for life, you're maturing. It's just that you have to feel pain to experience pleasure, without becoming bitter.

I am only writing about this because I am experiencing it.

I should not be growing elderly so young.

I will not.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

-Polonius in 'Hamlet'

Not the best of characters in the play, but the line just struck me. Motivation.

Follow your heart.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I said when I was young that I didn't want to do anything for my whole life that didn't directly affect the kingdom of God.

I still don't.

More soon.

Peace.