Introspection, slimy with emotion

foul fit of rage,

fury and disgrace.

a cloudy storm of words

and bad attitudes.

a terrible excuse to

cuss, deeply

because it's the only thing

you're thinking.

and all is questioned.

and all is despised.

and all is less.

i have become a hardened person.

introverted. intentionally.

I don't care to know you, cause you will not be there anyway.

I don't accept you, cause I don't accept myself currently.

I judge harshly.

I cling.

Because I'm not good at balancing on my own.

I am analytical.

Logical.

Dogmatic.

Legalistic.

I don't see any reason in dolling up with pretty clothes and doing my hair and makeup everyday, because I don't think there is anyone here to impress. and I don't do it for myself, because i don't care. But I'm jealous of all the girls that do.

I am dissatisfied but know that moving states or schools or getting belts or degrees will not bring satisfaction.

All of this is heart.

All of this is internal.

It's attitude, mindset, outlook.

and it seems that I have asked for so long to have easy situations, instead of asking to be a strong person, that I am not a strong person.

I know a lot. and I talk a good talk.

But i am dissatisfied.

and it's a heart thing.

I want to stand up and dust off all this mess, but I don't want to fall again on the same rock in the same place.

time for a change.....

No, really.